I haven't posted in a Very long time. Sorry Xanga, Myspace has had my attention a lot more. (myspace is down right now)

TOnight was cool, I hung out with Ash, Bobby, Nicole, Rustin, Chris, Ben and his Gf.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself, bc I was sitting in between two really cute couples that couldn't be happier with each other. (at that moment) I hate not having someone to tell me when I look good that night, or someone appreciating me. I really do. I hate that I don' t have Jean here. While i'm sitting in between them all I think is yeah well me and Jean would be just as cute as them if he was here with me. Or how much more fun I would be having if he was there. And there isn't a guy that is better than Jean. Honestly I don't think I've been happier around a guy, than when I was with him. Long distance relationships suck ass. I feel like I'm putting my life on hold. Even though I'm not, I'm going out as much as I can. I hate being at home, and not around friends, because that's when I start thinking about things. And my mind takes me to some crazy conclusions about things. In the meantime to take me to a more relaxed happier mood, I've been having trees quite a bit lately. I'm finding my self relying on them more and more. I don' t like that. But its like FUCK IT, why not become a fuckin pot head, at least I'd be happy for now. Its not like I get to fucking start school with everybody else. Because my fucking stepdad once again let me down, and isn't paying for my school. So now I haveta find a 2end job to save up sum effin money to go to J. Sarg. How sad! I feel like something is going change in the next few months with me, and its not going to be good.

I don't think its healthy to not want any time to your self. I haveta even fall a sleep to TV every night bc I don't want to have my full attention on whats been going on in my life.

I absolutely Love my friends, I don't know what I'd do with out them, I have this crazy feeling I'm being around them too much. I think really its I'm tired of my own self. I really need to do something for my self soon. Something big. Something that'll make me feel really great about my self.

I have all these plans for my self for when Jean comes home to visit in November, but those plans don't even start until september.

I have really no goals right now, and I absolutely hate it.

I needa stop having so much fun all the time, and start getting my life on track before I freakin hate myself with a passion.

I figured out what makes me the happiest.

Money.

I felt like I was high, after i opend up my mail and had my other tax refund check of 300 dollars. That I deposited in my already fat checking account. So its under a 1000 still, the most money i've ever had.

It was sad. I was singing about how I was a rich bitch, and how I loved money honey for about an hour.

So yes, you want me happy, throw some damn money in my face.

Money is the best. I love it. LOVE IT.

Bonfire tonight. Fun shit.

Last Night...

 me-Hi i'm ashley(to the new ppl i hadn't met)

cory- yeah thats dan's EX GIRLFRIEND

thats all i kept thinking about and it urked the hell outta me.

Everybody and their mom was at his house last night, and he didn't give me the time of day.

So erin called up an old friend of ours Justin, and we went and chilled with him. I think it was exactly what we needed b/c we had been use to chilling with the same people over and over. I told him we'll def have to party soon. So that'll be fun.

Went back to Dans to get my car, and stayed there for an half hour or so. Then everybody was gone expect for me and him. I think I had been waiting for that all night. We didn't talk really, just kinda looked at each other and I got up to hug him before I left, and I had butterflies. At that moment I didn't want to go anywhere.

I love that boy...I guess thats all there is to it.

Wow. I kinda went psycho last week.

 Well glad thats over...

Birthday was awesome. Despite a few things. Dan took me out to dinner, and it was quiet cute, finally had to let him kiss me, and it felt just like Summer again. He actually thought one date would show me that he was willing to keep things just like that. Not.

Friday was pretty sweet, it was my b-day night with the girls.

I thought I said no more drugs for me. Screwed up Saturday. Once a week. Thats it. If that.

Saturday was crazy in general. Had a psycho call me private. He knew Nicole's moms name, and where she lived, and my phone number. Never been more paranoid in my life. Not to mention I wasn't completely sober when we received the calls. We were freakin scared all night. Then we woke up early as hell, and decided waffle house, but they were too busy so we went to aunt sarah's. Realized how paranoid we were the night before, and how it was kinda dumb to get that freaked out.

Then we went and lounged around Ashley's house. Then I went to work, and then all of us went to Kmart, and back to Ashley's house.

K-mart closes at Ten..whats that.Gayness.